The saying "you can't go home"... true story.

Here are some more pictures from Baker Lake that I just love. Some are courtousy of Deirdre!

I have never NOT had a job... well, since I was 16 anyways. And not having one right now is driving me nuts! Talk about HIGH, through the roof stress levels and being grumpy all the time! IF I could find a job, life would be SO much better!

Since I have been home it's been so great to get to see all of my friends! MOST of them, I haven't seen enough of since I have been home... (JEN!).... but I have been camping and to Winthrop and definitely still enjoying the summer. If only.... I had a job to go with the summer!!!

Home Sweet Bitter Home

I made it safely back to Washington! It's definitely been bitter sweet. It's been AMAZING to see the friends that I have got to see so far and nice to be home. But I definitely miss New York!

Have you ever heard the saying "If people were more like dogs..."?
There are a bazillion different sayings that can come after that statement, BUT when I was making my long trip home, I thought of that saying a lot.
My little Corgi dog has been with me through so much ups and downs. I sometimes feel guilty, okay a lot of times, because her life has never been stable! I know I know, she is just a dog, but she has lived in more houses then most people do their whole entire lives, she has ROAD tripped across the country and then road tripped back, she has been thrown in to a house with a 2- yr old and two other dogs (which she hasn't ever lived with a child or other dogs before), and she has been dragged anywhere my random adventures take me. But she never ever gets mad. My whole trip home I kept apologizing to her and I felt bad but whenever I looked at her, she would perk her little ears up happy as can be. When I reached over to her she would lick my hand like she was saying "it's okay! I'm content!". She is always content doing no matter what. She is happy just to be alive, to get to go swimming, and to get to chase little bunnies. She is happy just to get to be with her family and to sleep on the bed.
If humans were made happy so easily, life would be so much more genuine. If humans appreciated the small things in life and "wagged more and barked less" , like dogs, and didn't get mad easily, and never judged based on weight, hair color, make up or no make up, clothes, cars, or anything else that doesn't matter.... then relationships would be stronger, friendships would last forever, and family would always be around no matter what.
So on my drive home I decided that's something I'm going to try and work on and put in to perspective more in my life. The concept of being happier even if I'm doing something I don't want to, appreciating the smallest of small things, and "wagging more and barking less".

With that being said.... Things I will NEVER take for granted in the future:
1. My family always being there for me
2. Having a place to call my OWN home, where I feel like I belong and my dog belongs and we're welcome... I never thought I wouldn't have that, now that I don't, I will NEVER take that for granted in the future.
3. Having the best of friends who consistantly have my back, more then my own flesh and blood
4. A job

As of right now I'm still jobless. Sometimes I regret quitting and going back to NY, however, most of the time I would do the same thing over and over again. Jobs can come and go and there will always be jobs, however, best friends' change and grow, and 2- year old little babies grow like weeds and change daily!

Off to finish my resume!
Cheers!

Three Days Left!

And so it continues...

The mean texts... the name calling... the put downs... the harassement. WHY do I let it get me down so easily?!? Some one who

has such little importance in my life

anymore should NOT have that much control

over my feelings.

Probably because I feel pretty alone

in the world right now. But I am still determined

to come out on top.

Lucy attaced Ally's dog again.

She is now confined to her kennel until we leave.

I hate it!

Ally told me this morning that she took next week off of work

to drive back with me. What an amazing friend! I wish I could

find a job here and stay now, but I have found NOTHING full time.

Nothing.

Ally is one of the most selfless people I have ever met when it

comes to her family and friends. She amazes me every day.

I can't even explain how relieved and excited I was when she

told me she was coming. I mean, obviously I felt guilty and bad that

she was having to make this trip with me AGAIN, and I

wish that she didn't have to.
BUT

I was pretty nervous... afraid... of doing it alone. I know

I would have been fine and I could do it, but I was definitly nervous!

Off to Zac Brown tonight! It's supposed to be near 100 degrees!

Headed home in three and a half days! YAY!

Can't wait!

alive

If I make it through today alive... I will be doing good.

My body is so sore. So tired. My feet have massive blisters. Even some filled with blood.

My right shoulder aches.

Poor Lucy hasn't had any fun.

Headed home in exactly one week.

An Average Night at the Guild Residence

*** Pics ***

STRESS!

I have been SUPER stressed out the last few days... I don't know if it's stress due to o the fact that I might not have enough money to get home when I am supposed to... or to the fact that I don't know if I'm making the right decisions (my heart and my brain are telling me two different things!) or that fact that there are still a LOT of important people not really talking to me much... I'm not sure what it is. There are probably a million other things it could also be... So my mood lately has been downer.

I work 9 shifts in the next 7 days... I have one day off and work 3 doubles. HOPEFULLY I can make really good money! Fingers crossed! Fourth of July weekend, which is usually one of my FAVORITE holidays. Actually, next to Christmas it is my fave... I will be working. Instead of BBQ'N or having a gigantic slip and slide and drinking PBR, I will be working working working. I work Friday, Saturday, and a double on Sunday which will probably result in somewhere around 12 hours. GOOD TIMES. Not. Hopefully the weekend shall go by fast!

HOWEVER, on the 8th we are going to see Zac Brown Band! I am SUPER excited for that! We are taking one of Jamie's old vans that fits 12 people! There are 8 of us going and then two 18 year old kids driving us! The following Saturday AFTER that I get to go to a huge wedding that is going to have 350+ people... it's at a small lake and EVERYONE is camping out. That is supposed to be the night I head back to Wa.

There are still a lot of unknown things right now in my life. Should I stay in NY or should I come home? I still don't have a definite job. Should I sell my car if I can at least get enough from it to pay off my loan? Should I call people and apologize? Alls I know is that I am homesick. I miss MY towns. I miss my Grandma, my family. I missed my little cousins grad party which kills me. I'm missing the 3rd of July part on Big Lake. I miss my Dad and my Brother. I miss my life. I know, this too shall pass... But I am still very very homesick.

Havana is becoming MORE AND MORE attached to me. She use to be a major Mama's girl and Dada's girl but she want's her "T" a lot more now. I love it! I love that little girl so much and she completely melts my heart. She is SO sweet and so cute and smart! It is going to absolutely break my heart to leave her and the thought of doing so brings tears to my eyes!

I have some pictures to post! I will try and post them tonight if not tonight then... probably not until the end of the week!

I hope everyone is well!

Cheers!
~T

"The first step to getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are!"

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift of life is yours; it is an amazing journey; an you alone are responsible for the quality of it!" ~ Dan Zadra

"We cannot put off living until we are ready. The most salient characteristic of life is its urgency, "here and now" with out possible postponement. Life is fired at us point- blank."
~Jose Ortega y Gasset

"There are only two things you HAVE to do in life. You "have to" die. And you "have to" live until you die. You make up the rest." ~Marilyn Grey

"People who lvoe us for what we are, not for what we have done, are precious support when we're trying to and be more." ~Peter McWilliams

"There are many compliments that may come to an individual in the course of a lifetime, but there is no higher tribute than to be loved by those who know us best.." ~Dr. Dale E. Turner

Today

The last week has been CRAZY busy!

I...

Went to the cardboard boat races!

Yes... real boats made of cardboat!

Worked a lot!

Went swimming in a pond in the middle

of this GORGEOUS green fields at sunset!

Ponds here are really lakes.

Hung out on the boat on the lake.

And worked a lot.

I hate waiting tables!!! I would

rather poke my eyeball out

with a pencil then go to work waiting

tables most days! Ah!

I am leaving to come home in 19 days!

I am SUPER excited to come home.

I am SUPER sad to leave NY and Ally and Jamie and Rain.

And incredibly scared to drive across the country.

Alone.

Well... with Lucy of course! But she is a faster

runner then me!

If I could find a stable, full time job here,

I think I would stay.

I am doing REALLY well and I am happy!

The divorce papers showed up yesterday.

I just have to go pick them up! Sign on

the dotted line and send them on back.

I miss my Dad and my Brother a TON!

Hope everyone is WELL!

Love~ T

Fathers Day

Most people who use to read my old blog or know me, know that when I talk about my Dad, it is usually some where along the lines of being my hero, being one of the most amazing men I have ever known, and an extremely selfless, fun guy.

We have had our differences, and he hasn't always agreed with my decisions in life. Despite these differences, I still think he is an amazing man, human being, and Father. He doesn't read this blog so I'm not going to tell him Happy Father's Day on here, but I hope he still knows I love him.

I hope everyone out there is having an amazing Father's Day! I am off to a long double shift day at work! I am going to try and post new pictures tomorrow!

Cheers!
~T

Question

Is there such thing as unconditional support? Or do people ONLY support you when you're making decisions they agree with? Then once you make a decision they don't agree with they stop?

So, so, so many life lessons to learn!

Firsts!

Yesterday was a crazy day of firsts for me!!!! Well, only two but two huge ones!!!!

The first "first"... Ally and Jamie and I were down at the lake at his parents' house having a lazy Sunday when Jamie's friend called and told us to come up to the winery he works at and visit. Sooo... off we go! I have only been to one winery in Washington so I don't know if they are all the same, but all of the wineries here (and there are a bazillion) are all in old and new barns and really really cool! Anyways, everyone who knows me knows that I do not like wine but Jamie promised we could also stop by the new brewery so of course I agreed. When we got there my curiousity got the best of me so I tried a sip of Jamies wine... AND... and... IT WAS GOOD! I liked it!!! I tried about 7 wines at this first winery called "Rasta Ranch" and I liked about 4 or 5 of them!!!!!! So then we decided to stop at ANOTHER winery called "Hazelitts"... which is a bigger, more popular one. At this winery you can try 5 so I tried 5 and I liked 3 of them! AND even bougght a bottle! WOW, right?! I know, I could hardly believe it! But... the wine was not like ANY of the wine I have EVER tasted in Washington, and trust me... hanging out with the Beck's for almost 12 years... I have tried MANY sips of wine!! So I don't know if it's just NY or what but I am DEFINITELY bringing home some bottles!

The second first is not as exciting... more.... strange and crazy. Last night Havana and I and Lucy were laying on the living room floor watching "Harry and the Hendersons". Lucy and I were kind of rough housing around. I was messing around with her ears and kind of had her in a headlock. Well, I did something she didn't like and she turned around and snipped at me and as soon as I let go she lunged at my face and bit me. This all happened in a matter of probably 2 seconds, but it was scary. One of her k9 teeth hit right at the base of my nostril and the other one just at the top of my lip. The one that hit by my lip pierced pretty good and it was pretty bloody. This morning it had a little puss oozing out of it. Hopefully it doesn't scar. It was completely my fault though.

Anyways,... here's some pics from the weekend!